Stoked 2 Go Out?

Yesterday I mentioned that ocean swimming for me is a big swirl of fun, fear, joy, peace and frustration. On Saturday, I was stoked to go out. And almost immediately I was stoked to be in. I don't know what it is about being in the ocean compared to a lake or even Banks Channel, but it is a different mindset for me. It freaks me out. 

Running into the water fast freaks me out. 

Starting with a lot of people freaks me out. 

Swimming beyond the breakers freaks me out. 

Being too close to shore freaks me out.
The wetsuit rubbing my neck freaks me out.
Swimming alone freaks me out. 

Not getting anywhere freaks me out.
Big swells freak me out. 
When I am listening to that freak out voice in my head, I don't swim faster or better. I swim like a freak. I lose my feel for the water. I lose my stroke. I zig and zag. I can't catch my breath and my kick is way off.

I told someone at the finish of Saturday's race that I need to learn to be patient with myself in ocean swims.  I've recently learned of two Greek words for patience: hupomone patience, which translates into endurance or perseverance inspired by hope and makrothumia, inspired by mercy.  I think I will write these two words on my arm every time I do an ocean swim. I need both!

Stoked to Be In
Wetsuit Hickeys Freak Me Out