Goofy Golf: The Conclusion

And now for the thrilling conclusion of Goofy Golf: Lost in Spiceland! If you missed the prequel, check it out HERE and HERE! At the end of round one, it was Dirty Spice: 1, AllSpice: 0. We decided that it would be a shame to miss out on course number two. Good Life Choice. The only thing better than Course No. 1 and it's walk-through cave, Russian roulette wheel, giant anaconda and the belly of a brontosaurus was........

Spice Girl & Tiny in the Belly of the Brontosaurus

...COURSE NO. 2!!!!  It may have been because I MASTERED the course and also.........did I mention that there was a mimosa involved? Either way, this course was awesome. It started with the aforementioned Allie-Gator, whose mouth opened and closed thanks to us. The second hole was a castle, guarded by a bearded ogre that opened and closed the castle gate!  And by ogre, I mean one of us opened and closed the gate.

This course also included a windmill, the Buddha, a T-Rex and what we deemed must have been Herman Melville's inspiration for Ahab's ship.

The monkey at the foot of T-Rex moved side-to-side

Tiny Melville recreating scenes for us on Ahab's ship. Did I mention there were mimosa's involved?

Did I mention I mastered this course? I was ahead (finally) by five strokes when we rounded the corner to the last handful of holes. When what to our wondering eyes did appear the most magnificent feature: a model of the Easter Island Moai. 

Dirty Spice Contemplating her Ironness

 

Queen AllSpice: Duchess of Spiceland!

That Moai stole my MOJO! So, by mastered I mean massacred the course. The next hole we faced was OCTOKILLER.  I lost four strokes on the loop-dee-loo and Dirty Spice maintained her score.

That's Me in the Clutches of Octo-Jerk

On the last holes we traded strokes and ended up tied at hole 17! Now, if you know anything about mini-golf, you know that if you play number 18, the ball disappears down the drain and your game is over. In our case, the last hole was down the green, through a gate, up a ramp-slash-tongue and into the mouth of a snake. Any ball within a foot of the snake's tongue was lost forever and no real winner could claim her steak.....I mean stake.......as winner.

The Windmill at Night

So, we improvised. We decided to play: THE WINDMILL. [Insert dramatic duhn, duhn, duhn music here!] I think (did I mention there was A mimosa involved?) we flipped a coin to see who would be the first putter and who would turn the blades of the mill. I lost the toss. Dirty stepped up AND MADE A HOLE IN ONE! I felt the pressure, stepped up to the tee and putted. I hit the turning blade and my ball bounced right back and landed at my feet. Game. Over.  I cursed the Moai and shed a tear of defeat.

We recounted our steps out of Goofyland, aka Spiceland, and back to the parking lot. As we were packing our shovels and not-lost balls into the car, a good-looking family pulled up and realized, to their disappointment that Goofy Golf was closed. We felt their pain. "Did ya'll bring your own clubs to play?" they asked. We grinned and said, "Well, we improvised." 

And with that, we jumped in the car and headed to a steak joint....my treat.

On the way back to THE MOONSPINNER, we happened upon another classic attraction on the PCB strip: JAWS. And by Jaws I mean Moby Dick. This amazing place gave Alvin's Island a run for their money! Not only did they offer beach wear, swimwear, airbrushed items and henna tattoos, they also had live alligator feedings and a shark feeding!

Naturally, we had to stop. 

I fed Dirty Spice to the Whale. Please note the tiny puppet in the apple of Moby's eye.

 THE END

Goofy Golf Two

WW & Tiny Herman Melville

In yesterday's episode, our two iron spices, Tiny Melville and Wonder Woman faced a heart-breaking truth: Goofy Golf was closed. In the midst of disappointment, the mimosa kicked in. And we noticed that Alvin's Island was open next door. [Liiiight. Bulb.] We figured that somewhere, hidden in the millions of beach trinkets and PANAMA CITY BEACH apparel, we'd find golf clubs.

We improvised. We found shovels and Pro Kadima balls.....and hermit crabs and airbrushed string bikinis, PCB visors, coffee mugs and key chains. Fortunately, we left with only the shovels, balls and a visor. We headed back to Goofy Golf, hit a few practice shots, downloaded a score card (there's an app for that) and then Tiny Melville officially started the game.

T. Melville v. Goofy Golf Alien

The competition was.....well.....non-existent. I was TERRIBLE! I was distracted by the scenery:

Holy Putt-Putt! Hit the Ball through the Church. 

Herman Melville's inspiration for the lesser-known prequel to Moby Dick. [Ahab's Great GrandFather chases a Large Green Dino]

Hold Me Closer, Giant Monkey

As I mentioned yesterday, because the course was closed, none of the mechanical features worked. Guess what? We improvised! We opened and closed the mouth of the gator, we raised and lowered the the ostrich bill, we turned the blades of the windmill. One would operate the giant machines while the other would golf. 

The best news about the 8th hole? We found REAL golf balls. Regrettably, it did not help my golf game. I lost by about six strokes. Fortunately, Dirty Spice is a good sport and conceded to a death match. Another round of 18 to decide the winner of the big steak dinner.  

Course No. 1 Ate Me Alive

 

Dirty Spice Narrowly Escaped

Tune in tomorrow for the conclusion of: Goofy Golf, Lost in Spiceland. Our heroes climb the Moai of Easter Island, sail the high seas AND find THE WHALE!

Goofy Golf One

I mentioned in my last post that since Beach2Battleship, I've been working on training of a different kind: endurance goofiness. I'm pretty sure I'd earn a medal for it. The first stop, appropriately, was Goofy Golf in Panama City Beach, Florida. 

On the Monday after Ironman Florida, Dirty Spice and I kicked out all the other Spices and headed down the beach for the most famous putt putt place on the Panhandle (great alliteration, right?). Jen had spotted it on the bike course and insisted that we go.

According to their site, Goofy Golf opened in 1959 and remains a family-run stop that boasts two 18-hole courses. In the heat of the season:

The evening lighting includes the glowing eyes of giant monkeys and dinosaurs! There are giant statues that can be climbed for a view and others you can go inside. It’s mini golf with a bonus play-land!

 

  Let me preface this adventure by admitting that there were mimosas involved. And a wager. So, naturally, our first stop was another PCB attraction: Ms. Newby's. This gem opened in 1975 as a package store and bar. A few years later, Newby's added a drive through feature. 

Ms. Newby's Package Store

Ms. Newby

Ms. Newby's Drive-Thru. This isn't us.

We ordered a bottle of champagne and orange juice from Ms. Newby herself. We popped the cork and mixed both in a Nalgene bottle.  We headed west down the strip and arrived at our destination.  On the way, we formulated our wager: winner, winner, big steak dinner. The L-O-S-E-R had to buy a steak dinner with all the fixin's.

To our utter despair, Goofy Golf was closed. Boarded up. We jumped out of the car and onto the magnificent old-school course. As promised: a playland and golf in one. 

Alligator. In the old days, his motorized mouth opened and closed.

Ostrich. His neck moved up and down. And his wings flapped.

We were devastated. Heartbroken. But, right about then the aforementioned mimosas kicked in and made us smart.  Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode: how to McGyver your own set of golf clubs.

CLICK HERE 

FOR THE NEXT EPISODE OF GOOFY GOLF: LOST IN SPICELAND

Adventure Seeker

Now that my first ironman is over, I've made it a point to do a bunch of things that I missed for bike rides, swims and runs. There's more to life than triathlon and I'm out to prove that I can do it all! I've marked a few things off the list already!  

Goofy Golf in Panama City Beach

  

Shooting Guns at Aunts' Farm. Practicing for Ladies Night at Shooter's Choice

Me & Jenni Sunshine at the Batting Cages

Catching Flicks with Ace at Cucalorus 19

I have some stories to come about some of these adventures. I promise to give more details on the Goofy Golf (did someone say Brew Thru?) and how trampolining for 40-year-olds hurts worse than an IRONMAN. Stay tuned.....here's what's in store:

 

One by Eight Hundred

When I see a set of 800s in my workout plan, I cringe. I fret. I groan. That half-mile on the track is in my head. I ran the 800-meter event in track in high school and it hurt. A lot.  Back in 1988, I ran the second leg of two mile relay in the state track meet. After my 800, I nearly tossed my cookies. Back in the spring of this year, I ran 4 x 800s and I nearly tossed my cookies. It is the perfect distance between a sprint and endurance. It's the right distance to find and hold your threshold pace - and the right distance to recover. It is even touted as a great marathon pace predictor.  

Today I realized I've been using the distance to clear my head. I employed my 1 x 800m strategy came just after I had spilled a cup of coffee into my purse, dropped an armful of mail in the middle of the road and tried (unsuccessfully) to fit into two new dresses for a holiday soiree set for tomorrow night. Anxiety. Embarrassment. Frustration. Irritation. Disappointment. All erupted in less time than it takes me to run my fastest half mile on the track (3min58sec). 

My saving grace? A lap - about 800m - around our neighborhood. I fed Sugaree and grabbed the leash. She dragged me down the driveway and I growled at her under my breath: slow dowwwwnnnnn. We eased into an easy-paced walk and I stopped growling. It was not quite dark. A flock of geese flew overhead and Sugar bounced around looking at the sky. One neighbor's Christmas lights twinkled on their tree and another waved happily on the turn into their driveway. On one curve leading to home, the last rays of the sunset lit the pine trees with a super yellow glow from beneath the needles.

By the time I hit the final straightaway on our side of the circle, I had let go of the frustration and anxiety and embarrassment and worry. In the ten minutes it took us to walk the loop, I was feeling better. I realized it happens a lot on the half mile track right outside my door. I'm looking for an answer and it comes to me. I've been angry at a friend and worked out a solution (and even find forgiveness). I can come up with the right words for this blog or maybe even have a brilliant idea (I think I'll do an ironman!). I even figured out what to wear to the party tomorrow night!

Here are EIGHT [more] REASONS TO WALK.